How to Clean the Bathroom

When you live in a home with what seems like 37 other people, 38 of whom seem to be boys with all their male-ness, cleaning the bathroom is a different job than when, say, one or two born-organized people live in the home.

When you have chosen to stay at home and have your career consist primarily of being a homemaker, and have chosen to further expand your career by adding in educating your children at home, your home is in high demand from all the feet walking here and there, the refrigerator door getting a complete workout several times a day, appliances singing their tunes heartily most of the time, and the water running somewhere in the house as faithfully as the Mississippi. These conditions lead to what is known in professional circles as "what a mess."

Of course one can delegate jobs to the youngsters. Of course one can create an environment where everyone cleans as they go. Er, I presume that is possible somewhere somehow. But, the fact remains, we humans do shed this and that on a regular basis, and the thises and thats have to be vacuumed, brushed, scrubbed, swished, sprayed, and obliterated.

Whatever the number of people in YOUR home, whatever your career, and whatever your Meyers-Briggs personality type, all those people in your home are going to shed thises and thats. Today we are going to look at the bathroom, but we will try to keep things refined and clear, as opposed to raunchy and sarcastic. Raunch and sarcasm do have a place in this world. Lord knows they have a place in the blogosphere. But they will not be the focus of our lesson today.

Maybe you walk into your bathroom and see detritus along the edges of the floor, spots on the mirror, globs of toothpaste in the sink, water spots on the faucet, grime under the anything and everything, and mysterious colorful things growing here and there. Let's hope you don't see it in this condition, but I confess that my previous cleaning frequency (once every mumble mumble) has at times (most times) led to such a view upon my ingress into the "washroom." (N.B. As I searched for images for this post, I realized that what I have considered to be really heinous is actually very mild compared to some of what is out there. It's not like I never cleaned! I just wasn't accepting the frequency with which it needed to happen!)

 First step to cleaning. Read this statement:

"[A]ct as though the following statement is true: Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me. 

Before I read that statement, I would walk into the salle de bain and have three responses: 1. What a cruddy housekeeper I am. 2. Why are these people so messy? 3. What a cruddy cruddy housekeeper I am.

One day I walked into the bathroom with that statement fresh in my mind (having just read it in the fine book Zen and the Art of Happiness, by Chris Prentiss), and as my eyes raked over all the evidence of my cruddy housekeeping, I asked myself, "What if that's true? What if the condition of this bathroom is the best possible thing that could happen to me right now?" Light bulb! Eureka! and "Hey-ho, sing hey-ho, unto the green holly" (from As You Like It).

Aha! If the condition of the bathroom is the best possible thing that could happen to me, then there are bigger fish to fry than whether I am a cruddy housekeeper! I could be! But, what say we focus on something else! Like making a difference in the condition of this room every time I come in here? And, suddenly, (at least in light of eternity), my bathroom was devoid of its heavy layer of depressing dirt.

Here's how you can make the same thing happen in your own environment.

1. Read that statement. Be curious about whether it might be true.
2. Gather your important cleaning tools. Mine are purple rags from FlyLady , toothpicks, q-tips, and my eyes. I might also bring in a spray or two, but those are somewhat optional. (Except for the toilet, which does require a cleanser every time.)
3. Start.

That's all you have to do. The trick is to do it every day. As you clean the room, it will get cleaner and cleaner. When you are no longer focusing only on getting rid of the visible, surface, this-bugs-me stuff, you will start to see more details that can be tackled, especially little crevices and hard-to-get-to spaces.

And that concludes our lesson for today.

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Power to the Peaceful!

I'm a regular contributor and user of HealthMonth.com. I joined last April and have found it to be a great way to track health and fitness goals, and to find community with like-minded individuals. I look forward to the time each day when I play my turn and post my daily review. We have a great time on HealthMonth.

You can imagine I was completely taken aback a few days when I posted a comment on someone's daily review. HealthMonth is made up of both individuals and teams, and this person is not on my team, although I often comment on daily reviews posted by others. Her original daily review said the following:

I said I’d track my meals, not that I’d stay within reasonable caloric limits, because I knew that this month would be tough up until the 17th. Today I was glad I’d been realistic about that as I pretty much fell face-first into a bowl of chow mein. 

There are people from all walks of life and many, many countries on HealthMonth. Just from the way she worded her review, I figured she would be friendly, and just like most of the rest of us on HealthMonth, would welcome encouragement by someone on the same path working on fitness and nutrition. I could completely understand her trying to track meals, but having the realization that staying within caloric intake was something separate. So I posted a brief comment:

The tracking is reinforcing the habit. The portion control is reachable.

Now, I get emails all day long with responses to responses from HealthMonth. I look forward to them. But with this one, I felt like someone had shot a dart into my heart when I read her response:

You know, Susan Taylor, I’m glad you said that. Not because I think you’re making an ounce of sense — you just offered me a couple of platitudes without any supporting evidence and without any actual inquiry into my life, my weight history, my food history, or my caloric intake patterns. That’s thoroughly unimpressive and apparently almost entirely cognition-free. But it did lead me to recognize how similarly lazy and harebrained was my own decision to accept Fitbit’s idea of how many calories I should eat in a day.

I knew fairly soon after reading it that her comment was more about her than it was about me, but the comment still stung quite a bit.

I had to go to the movies that evening and lose myself in Anna Karenina and a small popcorn and let it all simmer on the back burner of my brain. I slept on it, and had two dreams which I recorded, and which, upon a short moment of reflection, were clearly related to the incident of having flames thrown at me with a double-barreled bazooka.

So far, this is a story that a million people can tell.

There seems to be plenty of harsh language, cynicism, and attacks happening on the internet day in and day out. The reason this story is even worth telling is because of the process that i went through, my reflection on it, and especially the contrast to how I would have handled it once upon a time. Perhaps my process will encourage someone else.

As I examined the dreams and considered what the parts of the dream represented about me, I felt my understanding deepening and growing. Suddenly, I remembered a coaching tool offered to me, known as WWG, by my excellent life coach, Dave Blomsterberg.  WWG consists of three questions:
1. What is working?
2. What am I grateful for?
3. What do I want?

As I started into answering those questions, with the deeper understanding, I felt my emotional state slowly begin to rise and clear out the depression that had snuck in. And with the deeper understanding, and the clear emotional state, I knew what I wanted to say in response to her.

Amazing that inspiration can come from the lowliest of places! Glad to be of service. As I have told my husband multiple times, all assumptions are bad assumptions. (I’d Better think about that- it might be another platitude.) My assumptions: My comments on HM would always be understood in the spirit they are offered — as a fellow human on a similar journey. (Bad assumption) That the fact that doing a habit reinforces it would be common sense to everyone like it is to me. (Bad assumption) That I don’t need to know everything about a person to comment on their review and have my comment received positively. (Bad assumption here, but possibly ok in some instances) Thanks for your honest response. It stung, but I learned some things from the experience. Enjoy your banjo and I do wish you satisfaction in your health month goals. Take care! 

I knew that I had responded in a way that expresses the best parts of me. Indeed, I received immediate positive feedback from other people who had witnessed this. I didn't know if she would respond, but oh how she did. With this:

“The spirit in which it was offered”? I saw somebody I don’t know from Eve come in and tell me I’m Doin’ It Rong with neither evidence or inquiry. If your intention was something else, then I believe this would be a good time to to reconsider whether intention is magic. In my social circles, what you did was massively impolite, and you would be not just stung but stomped flat. My people are a fisking people. And yes: I think it is a bad assumption to imagine that the only appropriate way to tackle a large, complex life change is by doing everything at once instead of making a series of gentle, lifestyle-appropriate incremental changes coupled with observation of how those incremental changes are working. (And it is a worse assumption to imagine that it’s a good idea to declare an assumption like that to be true without some serious behavioral-science evidence to back it up.) I think we’re done here. Have fun with Paleo. 

After this one, I decided not to respond anymore. I couldn't really understand just what had set her off, but clearly something had. So I was very surprised when I got another notification a few hours later from her which said:

Well, damn, now I feel like a mean dork: I read “reinforcing the habit” as reinforcing my current eating habits including the occasional habitual chow mein faceplant, not reinforcing the tracking habit. That’s because I do not yet have a tracking habit, so there is no habit there to reinforce. If you meant the latter, I apologize without reservation. (If you meant the former, I still think you’re high.) 

I don't know what made her see it differently. Maybe she asked someone else to give her feedback about her interpretation. Maybe what i said stuck with her. Maybe some little seed of something got the nourishment it needed to grow. I felt a lot of relief that she had posted again, with her recognizing that perhaps she misunderstood in the first place.

This was the time to let her know where i had been coming from in the first place, which I did:

whew. i am glad to hear that you reread my comment the way I meant it! I started having a health month rule months ago of exercising 6 days a week. While I was busy stuffing my face and gaining some weight back in November and December, I kept up with the exercising, even as I continued to eat. When I got back on track in January, I realized that continuing to exercise, as pitiful and feeble as it might have been, kept me working on developing the habit of exercising. That’s what was rolling around in my brain when I commented about tracking, and how doing the tracking would be a reinforcement of the tracking habit, even as it was developing. I could really relate to your comment about falling face-first into chow mein and it reminded me of trying to figure out the exercise bit and the food bit. GO, [name]! 

The last response in the series was hers, and her tone had clearly changed from one of harsh antagonism to friendly camaraderie (one of the things I wrote on my "what is working about HealthMonth" list, incidentally).

Oh, yay! And again, I am very sorry that I read your comment so totally wrong. Maybe one of my rules for next month ought to be “always get a second opinion from a level-headed individual before dusting off the flamethrower”. I’m a big fan of the pitiful and feeble attempt method, and I’ve had kind of the same experience. The P&FA method has helped me keep habits, plus it’s helped me keep in touch with a self-image as a person who does the thing, whether that thing is exercise or cooking or playing an instrument. I used to play a little game of thinking of old saws that contradict each other. My favorite: “Half a loaf is better than none” vs “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.” I’m a half-a-loaf girl, for sure. 

So, what? I remember many times in my life when I have felt that same sense of shame and disappointment when I thought I had let someone down, or been misunderstood. In those times, with my earliest religious teachings still in the forefront, I turned on the tapes reminding me that what I wanted was of no consequence, or worse, what I wanted was the wrong thing. That I shouldn't feel anything negative, and since I did, it was time to beat myself up soundly. That I was failing somehow.

The experience of asking myself questions and finding my internal state changing was powerful for me. I knew I was saying what I wanted to say, and even when she responded with another attack, I knew my original response had been just right. What a contrast to my "religious" thinking which rendered me pretty much useless to actually solve the problem.

Without the constant pressure of those early teachings pounding me against the rocks, I was able to use a resource that transformed my experience, both my internal state and my ability to respond to her.

WWG. What is working? What am I grateful for? What do I want? Of the many answers to those questions in different situations, there is one answer that applies to all three questions: WWG.

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The Hobbit ... in 3D

By now, the first showings of the Hobbit have happened and millions of people have seen this film. Many of them are counting down the minutes, hours, days and months to the next installment of the story. I understand there are two more installments coming. Whew.

My favorite part of this film was the fantastic beards. The dwarves don't just have beards; they have BEARDS with BRAIDS, BEADS, and BEAUTIFUL designs. Best part. Hands down.

As per usual, something that seems to be gobbled up by popular culture is something I don't really seem to have a taste for. I'm not sure what that's about. I know when I was a kid, my mom's philosophy was that we didn't want to "see ourselves walking down the street." Translation: do not wear what everyone else wears. When I was a kid, though, there wasn't a good enough reason I could think of not to wear those cool clothes that everyone else wore, except that my loving mother wouldn't buy them for me. Boy was I glad when I could afford my own CALVIN KLEIN jeans!

When our own children were younger, Greg used to read aloud to them most every evening. We read through many, many books, including the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, the Hobbit, all of the Chronicles of Narnia, The Phantom Tollbooth, and many more. It takes awhile to get through all of the pages of Tolkien's wonderful stories. Somehow, through all of the reading aloud, the kids absorbed some interest in reading and re-read Tolkien, CS Lewis, and JK Rowling numerous times. When the original LOTR movies came out, Valerie, in particular, knew exactly which parts of the movies were faithful to the books, which ones weren't, and which ones were additions that didn't fit with the story.

Although I have seen bits and pieces of the LOTR movies, they were really too much for me visually, aurally and experientially. Somewhere along the way, those who run movie theaters made the decision to jack up the volume, perhaps to cover up the fact that what was on the screen was problematic in any number of ways, perhaps to keep the attention of the majority of us whose attention spans are shrinking. And, in the Hobbit the other night, the volume was up as per normal.

Overall, for me, the Hobbit was too long, too loud, and too unfaithful to the book. 

I suspect my opinion is the one held by a minority of movie-goers. As a matter of fact, probably the ones who don't like the volume, and who love books are the ones who tend not to go the movies anyway. (Not that moviegoers can't love books.) Be that as it may, I really didn't like the Hobbit as a movie.

The first film covers the first 110 pages of the book, by my estimation. The book is 304 pages long, so that is a logical break. And though Peter Jackson is truly a master filmmaker, there are entirely too many battles and chases, and too little portrayal of the creativity that Tolkien put into the dialogue and character development in this story. In the book, the range of emotions is broad. In the movie, the range was rather flat.

My biggest beef with the film was that I knew many younger kids would be seeing it. It got a PG-13 rating, but I would not want any of my kids under the age of 14 to see it. Way too much violence. Non-stop violence in several scenes. True, it wasn't gory or bloody, which I suspect was avoided to garner the PG-13 rating, but VERY violent never-the-less. Do we really want our children to watch violence in such a de-sensitized manner that such things don't really bother them?

How could anyone really absorb the emotional impact of the visual coupled with the dramatic music that just seemed to get louder and more intense as we went along? Even the young, agile brains of my sons who were along with me (ages 18&17) had to have at some point turned "off" in response to the ever-increasing demands of the visuals and music. I wonder.

What did YOU think of the Hobbit film? How did you experience the frenetic pace, the dramatic music? If you loved it, tell me about that!

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The Outcome of the Waldorf Visit

Still processing our experience at the Cincinnati Waldorf School this week.

It was arranged that Kepler would visit the school for the morning and spend it in the kindergarten room to see if he would be a good fit with the school. Although I was told that they have had a few special needs children in the kindergarten, I do not know what those needs were. I tried to prepare Kepler for the fact that he was going to visit the school, but I can see now there would things it might have been good to share with him, show him?

The very nice enrollment director told me they would be looking for the ability to follow directions, to imitate the teacher's physical actions, and one other thing along those lines. Kepler can definitely do those things, so we moved forward with the visit.

We had already visited the school on an Open House day, and I got a vibe from the teacher that she would not be interested in having Kepler in her particular classroom. I understood that not everyone is interested in working with special needs children, and the more controlled environment you are after, the more that may be messed up by the unpredictability of a child with special needs.

The Waldorf school is a very special and unique environment, which I find very peaceful and relaxing. Long story short, after the visit they let me know they do not feel Kepler is ready developmentally for their kindergarten. I had somewhat anticipated this, but I did realize that they actually were wanting MORE from him than they articulated.

I think it is interesting that what they felt like was not a good fit was the amount of freedom available to the kids, and yet it's a carefully defined freedom. They felt like Kepler couldn't work with the freedom that was available. I'm pretty sure there was no orientation whatsoever for him, just a plunge directly into the classroom routine, which was different from anything he had ever seen or done.

So, it seems to me like what they were wanting was the three characteristics they mentioned, PLUS the ability to come into an unfamiliar environment and figure out what to do, what not to do, and what was ok and what was not ok. My conclusion is that this was a lot to ask of Kepler, and I can completely understand him testing limits, checking things out, etc.

I do understand and embrace their decision, and was ok with either outcome. I am just glad I was willing to give it a try, something very unfamiliar and certainly outside my control. (Have I mentioned that I've enjoyed the illusion of being in control quite a bit?) And now I know -- this isn't a good fit for my sweet boy. And I can't help thinking of what they are going to miss out on, not getting to be with this amazing boy!

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Today's Most Interesting Phone Conversation

I had the privilege of speaking with a mom today who is considering what to do for schooling for her son next year. She called me because I have "heap big experience." So I told her a little of this and a little of that.

And one of the things she mentioned was her concerns about schools teaching evolution without teaching "all four theories." I assume she was including creationism, intelligent design, evolution, and a fourth one. Can't think of it right now. But as she discussed her issue with evolution, she let me know she would plan to let the teacher know that her son would memorize the information presented in class but that he doesn't believe it. I'm usually a very good LISTENER, who offers murmurs of affirmation and little puffs of understanding. But, I noticed today that I felt like I wanted to dissent just a little from what she was saying. I tried to still listen and affirm, but I told her I personally wouldn't do that and I would wonder what she would want to accomplish by telling the teacher that her son doesn't believe the information. If she wants her son to learn "all four" theories, I suggested she just supplement at home.

The other thing that struck me was she felt strongly that children should not receive academic credit for bringing in supplies to school. And, again, I felt like it was important to gently mention that individual teachers are doing the best they can, and many are doing a fantastic job, and that teachers are all part of a district-wide system, and a state-wide system.

When she brought up the concern about whether or not the school system observes some kind of day of silence that has something to do with how gays have been silenced through the years, I just groaned inside. Is this really what Christians should be focusing on? I'd say no. How about supporting the teachers, the school, the administration, through prayer and volunteering and lots of practical outpourings of love.

I know parents just want the best for their kids. I understand that. And of course people have convictions. I also understand that. But I think when the convictions get in the way of loving other people, the priorities are skewed. I remember a song that says "They'll know we are Chrsitians by our love." Let it be so.

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750Words and HealthMonth -- 2 websites that are inspiring me

This is Buster Benson. I don't know him, beyond the detailed information on his website but he must be a very fun-loving guy, from what I've seen on two websites he has created that I am enjoying immensely.

First, there's 750words. Anyone familiar with Julia Cameron's "morning pages" will recognize that each page is about 250 pages of written words, and she recommends 3 pages per day, preferably first thing upon waking. Buster came up with the idea of providing a website where anyone can sign up and have a blank screen every day for the purposes of writing their "morning pages." He sends out a daily reminder, and he came up with a scoring system that is somehow related to the idea of strikes and spares in bowling, which gives you more points when you complete your words on subsequent days (and the day after that and the day after that). I have done Morning Pages in a spiral-bound notebook every time I've have periods of completing them, but I love having the computer availability for this. It's not a blog. I could relate to what he said about not wanting to put private thoughts on my blog in case I forget to mark them "private." Eek! While I think there is a different type of benefit to writing words down on paper which is also valuable, I love being able to put my lightning-quick fingers on the keys and get my thoughts out quickly. He even tells your wpm, your streak of days, and a few other bits of information. From what I am seeing on his sites, he must really know computers. And he clearly enjoys creating websites to inspire other people through fun.

His second website is called Health Month and is one of the most creative and playful sites I've ever seen to track health habits i am trying to establish. He's made it into a game, which you can play with your friends, or just keep track of your own info. Checking in every day is part of the game and gives you points. If you complete your goal, you make it to the Wall of Amazingness at the end of the month. It's free to use, but if you want to work on more than three activities or habits in a month, he asks you to pay a small fee. All I can say is, both of these sites have really been encouraging me to get outside and exercise every day, to stick with the way I am eating, and to do my private journaling every day. It's only April 4, but the successes I am experiencing are building momentum, and I can see really completing the goals I have set for this month.

Sometimes in the day-to-day busyness, I can forget to look for and enjoy things that are fun, and I am really excited about having these two built-in opportunities every day to log in and smile. They are both extremely easy to use, and I highly recommend both.

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An Experiment in Walking

The area where I live is primarily well-suited for driving. There are those who ride bikes as they can, and I do that a bit, but there are certain areas that are just too congested to ride a bike, in my opinion. I see people jogging along some of the roads around here that have about 12 inches of shoulder and I wonder why they choose those roads, as that seems unnecessarily risky to me. Anyway, I was headed off to a destination today that is most easily accessed by car. Indeed, I have never gone to this place any other way, even though it is only a couple of miles away.

As I am being intentional about implementing more walking into my routine, I decided I would walk to my destination today. I figured out a route that would leave me with the maximum exposure to sidewalks and less busy roads, and set off. At first I was going to play it safe. Walk straight up this road, turn left on that one, and voila I would be there eventually. But I really didn't think that it would be too enjoyable to walk on those roads, the ones with the twelve-inch shoulders. So, I put together a track that would go through a new, as-yet-unopened park, and then I'd cut through a really nice neighborhood, and walk through a couple of parking lots and I'd be there.

I had to intentionally decide to go off the beaten track. I'm not usually thinking about creating adventures for myself on a run-of-the-mill errand. But I figured I'd try. I had already lined Eli up to pick me up when the errand was complete because I knew the walk there would be as much as I wanted, or had time for. I could have him pick me up anywhere along the way if need be.

As I walked on the 12-inch-shoulder road, I stayed about 10 feet away from the road. And I noticed all this grass growing, recently planted, and bravely coming up and making the area green. As I walked down the new park road, I noticed the baseball diamonds there, much more grass, and a beautiful playground I had no idea was there. I am looking forward to the park opening so we can play there. I noticed that even being 50 feet from the road made the experience of being in that place completely different. I often feel like I am surrounded by civilization here and unending traffic and cars. Just that short distance gave me a little taste of being away from it all. I was amazed.

I had consulted the general birds-eye map in my head and thought I would come out on Road A on the track I was taking. However, I noticed that I instead came out at the back of the houses on Road B. Not a problem, exactly, except the good people of Road B all had fences along their back property, which of course prohibited me from making my way to Road B.

Well, I was in the middle of the woods, so I figured I'd just head along the fence line and either come out on Road B or Road A. I wasn't sure how a homeowner might feel when I emerged from the woods. But I got to find out. I startled a lovely man who was doing some gardening. He lives WAY back from Road A, so would hardly be expecting company, especially from the wilderness behind his house. I explained that I was experimenting with walking today and why I had come out on his driveway. He wasn't visibly thrilled, but neither did he call the police. I walked on, studiously avoiding doing anything that might look like I was "casing the place." Oh, Siouxsie, the criminal.

My next dilemma was about the lovely neighborhood I was intending to cut through. This is a gated community, but seeing as how the entire side was unfenced, I decided their concern must be more for cars than for people. I had to reassure myself though, "For crying out loud, I'm not a vagrant. I am wearing diamonds!" I debated about walking around the long way but it would have been about three times as long, and having just bushwhacked through the woods and with mud and straw clumped on my shoes, I decided I'd chance it.

Being me, I read all the signs before entering the neighborhood, just so I didn't miss any that would portend me getting arrested for this attempt to be a little more active in my lifestyle. Walking through that neighborhood was very nice and I got some good ideas for landscaping, since all the homes there had gorgeous and perfect landscaping.

Finally, I arrived at my destination. I am utilizing an app called MyTracks so as soon as I arrived, I checked out how far and how long I had gone. Then I walked inside and bought three appliances. But that is probably a story for another blog.

I could have driven to that store today. I probably could have driven it in my sleep as I've taken these particular roads thousands of times. But walking made it an adventure! I used my senses, and enjoyed the sensation of being surrounded by beauty. And I thought it was a good stretch to reach the edge of the woods that I wasn't expecting to see, and plough on through. I highly recommend it. And I highly recommend MyTracks. I would post my MyTrack from today, but this is the internet and the track gives too much specific information about my location. The picture at the beginning shows you what a typical track looks like. I'd be glad to share it with anyone privately, though.

What about you? Have you walked anywhere lately that you normally drive?

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