I Love me Some Greg

Long, long ago, and oh so far away -- 28 years ago in Wheaton, Illinois, I met Greg. At first glance, he was not as dynamic! and exciting! and showy! as some of the other guys at the college, but at second glance, I knew he was a good, good guy.

We went to a homeschool meeting several years ago when the topic was marriage and parenting. We were given several handouts that night, but the one I have gone back to over and over is entitied "Marriage Satisfaction across the Family Cycle for Husbands and Wives." You were even going to get to see the actual handout, but Google apparently can't handle uploading it. Alas.

The idea, as I understand it, is that research has shown there is a gradually lessening of marital satisfaction from the time of being a young couple without children to the time the first child enters adolescence. Things start looking up at the point where the children begin leaving the nest, typically between the 45th and 55th years of their parents, in terms of marital satisfaction. Of course, there must be intention on the part of both spouses to stay connected during those years. Greg and I are on a little different timetable. For one thing, as young marrieds we spent a lot of time processing our own childhoods, so we would hopefully not bring those unresolved wounds into our parenting. (Did it work? Well, sort of.) We also married a little later than a lot of our friends. Greg was 27 and I was 23. Then we waited pretty long to start a family.

Sometimes when I consider my life as an outsider might view it -- my beautiful children, my loving and faithful husband, my loving parents and sisters, my education, and all the wonderful experiences I have gotten to have -- it mystifies me why marital satisfaction would go down during the years of raising children. Of course, the reality is that children do take a lot of time and effort and more energy than either of us have. I find facing the reality of the wonderful challenge of children does take courage, and I find comfort in knowing that many other husbands and wives experience something similar during the years of raising children. It's not THAT mysterious.

But through it all, through all the years of trying to have children, then having them, and having them, and having them, and thinking we were all finished and having one more, Greg has been a husband who is trustworthy, loving, faithful, and almost always willing to dig deep and find something to give, no matter how tired or burned out he is. Case in point: last Monday morning I needed to drop my van off to have some bodywork done, and I needed to pick up a rental at the same time. Greg took the initiative to go to the car place ahead of me, meet with the rental car guy, and ask for a nicer car (2011 Toyota Camry -- yes!), and sign all the paperwork for the repair and the rental both. All I had to do was show up, transfer all my junk from the van to the Camry, give Greg a kiss and a hug and drive off.

Of course I could have handled all those details myself. I wouldn't have asked for the upgraded rental, but I know how to look at a rental car with the guy and see if there is anything that needs to be noted on the little form. The thing is, as facilitators for the Building Blocks for Marriage class at Crossroads, we had just been talking about love languages over the weekend, and he was reminded how much "acts of service" mean to me. Greg went to the car place and did those details because he was thinking of me, and of what he had learned over the weekend, and was looking for ways to show me he loves me.

I never need a Valentine -- he shows me his love every single day. Even though it can be hard at times to manage his travel schedule, me getting behind on the laundry, needing to go to the store for milk AGAIN, and all the details of life with five active children, I never ever doubt that this man loves me. All week long as I have been driving this car, I have been reminded over and over what he did for me on Monday, and I just wanted to tell the world that even if it's hard to find the time these days to go on dates, or to stay awake long enough, whatever marital dissatisfaction arises sometimes pales in comparison to the long-term satisfaction of loving and be loved by my sweet man.

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Missed Me, Missed Me, Now Ya Gotta Kiss Me

Sometimes it matters. Sometimes it doesn't. Tonight it did.

Last year we spent six weeks with three lovely couples, all of whom live in a higher economic level than we do. That wasn't an issue at all last year. This year we spent six weeks with these three lovely couples, plus one more lovely couple. Tonight was the sixth meeting. Greg and I were really uncomfortable, because most of the conversation was about topics about which we simply do not have anything to say -- cruises, vacation cottages, shopping in foreign countries, dinner with important people -- well, except that last one -- we have dinner with important people every time we eat dinner as a family.

But, dang. I just think the new couple, well, especially the husband, is so used to his lifestyle --that of the movers and shakers -- that it maybe doesn't occur to him that not all of us know the CEO of whatever company. Last year, we met in one couple's home all six weeks. This week, we all took turns. I really came to a place of peace about having them all to our house, even though three of our houses could fit into one of theirs. So, it's not that I'm ashamed of having less, or living in a smaller house. It's just that we didn't seem to have as much in common with them this year.

But, I'll tell you -- when we walked into our house this evening and Kepler came up to me with his sweet voice wanting a hug, all the rest of it faded away. I wouldn't trade this life for any of theirs.

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Things must be looking UP!

It's only fair since Eeyore got a voice yesterday, we should allow Tigger to have his say today.

Isn't the snow beautiful! There's something so peaceful about the big flakes falling outside my window. I used to sit in my bedroom at home at night, and watch the snowflakes fall through the light of the back porch spotlight. I loved that sight. Today, the cupboard is almost bare, as is the till, but who cares! The snow is gorgeous!

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Back to the Drawing Board

Today I organized the toys. Most are toys that have 20-1,000,000 pieces. Therefore, they have been taking up space in about 25 different places in the house. A veritable olio of missing pieces, passing time, waiting to be reunited.

Greg was off today, and he took Anna-Jessie and Kepler out for the morning. What a gift that was -- as much as I love having the kids here all the time, having some prime daytime hours freed up gave me an opportunity to gather and sort the pieces. I'm still missing ONE Measure Up cup from one set, and EIGHT from the other set. I thought I looked in every container of "stuff" in this house, but I must have overlooked a few spots.

Finally, the monkey is back in the puzzle, and the puzzle is complete.

And you wonder why I haven't been blogging? I think January and February are just hard months -- so gray, so cold, sometimes snowy and slushy. Months into the school year, but months left to go. I'm still here, just hunkered down, waiting for the winter to turn to spring.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

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Had to Get Tough Today; OR Further Adventures in Homeschooling

I do not like AP Spanish. I do not like AP Spanish. I do not like AP Spanish.

Without identifying it by name, I would like to mention that one particular school taught me a hard lesson today.

NEVER MIND that this school's platform does not work on a Mac and they didn't tell me that. NEVER MIND that they did not assign my student classes until after the entire first, important week of school had passed by. NEVER MIND that they told me something completely untrue, and distressingly so at that, in December. NEVER MIND ALL THAT.

Fact is, in education, as in life, we don't always get to have all the facts, nor are we always treated fairly.

The untrue thing had the effect of taking some pressure off of me, back in December. I didn't find out its falseness until today. TODAY it has some permanent implications. In December, I would have had a choice to make at that time that is no longer a possibility.

This is all really enigmatic and mysterious, I know, but the consequences are not really mine to share. All I can say is, it was a tough situation, and I did the best I could to shape the conditions to be favorable, and although I could not make them favorable, I was thankful to have been able to handle the situation with relative grace.

Just another one of the many blessings in my life.

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2009 Meme

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before? MET BONO.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Haven't made these for many years -- they just don't seem to be useful to me. However, I do think it would be excellent to start something at the beginning of the year and continue to do it through the end of the year (like maybe exercise on a daily basis).

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My father, January 14.

5. What countries did you visit? No foreign countries. Just traveled to Des Moines, Chicago, Raleigh, and Norman.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? The opportunity to express myself musically.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 14th - my dad died; September 12 - Chicago U2 concert; October 3 -Raleigh U2 concert, I met Bono; October 18 - Norman U2 concert; December 25-26 - I read Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Traveling to 3 U2 concerts.

9. What was your biggest failure? Probably the whole puppy thing.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Tickets to U2 concert in Chicago.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Anyone who made any kind of a positive step in their life.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted? The Congress of the United States of America

14. Where did most of your money go? Foodstuffs.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? U2 concerts, meeting friends at concerts, and U2

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? Unknown Caller, Miracle Drug

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? not thinner
c) richer or poorer? richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? laughing

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? frowning

20. How will you be spending New Year's Eve? family traditions focusing on Greg's birthday and looking back/looking forward

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? Yes.

22. How many one-night stands? Right. Stupid question.

23. What was your favorite TV program? Only thing I watched this year was NFL Football.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Don't hate anyone at all.

25. What was the best book you read? Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? U2 How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb; Snow Patrol; Jupiter One; Crossroads music

27. What did you want and get? I had wanted to meet Bono for many years and I got to.

28. What did you want and not get? Wii

29. What was your favorite film of this year? UP

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Flew home from the concert in Raleigh where I had met Bono.

31.What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying? The opportunity to express myself musically, either with my flute or my voice.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Find something I love and then wear it a LOT.

33. What kept you sane? Weekends away singing and dancing with new friends at U2 concerts.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Bono

35. What political issue stirred you the most? The Health Care issue

36. Who did you miss? My beloved father.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Bono, Robert, Cle, Stefan, Doug, Craig, Daniel, Phil

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. Music is the thing that makes my heart sing.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. I could never take a chance, on losing love to find romance.

(thanks to DollyMama for this meme.)

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We Had Ourselves a Merry LITTLE Christmas

Kepler was delighted with his festive noisemakers, just like I thought he would be!

This Christmas was a little different than some Christmases past. Our two main sources of Christmas money had either dried up completely or dried out significantly. Indeed, the only source still producing didn't show up until December 19. Until that point, I had no idea how we were going to do Christmas this year. Being that uncertain was very weird. It has been years since we've had any trouble buying Christmas gifts. Work bonuses have been given every year on the first Friday of December, just in time for a jolly Christmas, but the economy saw to it that the bonuses disappeared this year.

I tried to prepare the kids that things would be a little different this year, and I worried about it day and night. At best, Christmas is always a source of stress for me as I try to balance all the juggling balls called "materialism," "clutter," "buying for someone who has everything and can buy anything they don't already have," and, of course, the one I am best at, "GUILT."

I have one child whose love language must surely be receiving gifts, and he dearly loves the Christmas bonanza. So, for him, after we had opened all the gifts, I needed to snuggle with him on the love seat and help him process his disappointment. He was so sad, but he remembered all the things I had told him ahead of time about fewer gifts, but no less love, and about how to be grateful in the face of some disappointment. He felt better after we talked, and then he enjoyed his new Scrubs DVD while I went back to bed for awhile.

The second round of disappointment for him came when everyone else started posting their Christmas gifts on Facebook. Wow, iMacs, iphones, ipods, expensive cameras; some of his friends received even more than one from that list. I was very proud of him though as he acknowledged his disappointment but again remembered to focus on being thankful for what he has been given, and to acknowledge that the love of his family is pretty wonderful.

It made my day to hear this particular boy tell me that he thinks this is our best Christmas ever. I agreed, and I'm not sure why. But, even though it was small, it really was one of the best ever. I hope yours was, too.

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