Friday, July 5, 2013

The Cloak of Invisibility

6:30am GMT

Dear Blogger Customer Service,

It has come to my attention that you may have inadvertently invoked the "Cloak of Invisibility" clause and applied it to my blog. I say this because although I have checked Facebook and email religiously the past few days, it seems no one is reading my blog. I can only conclude that this is due to your mistaken idea that I had asked for the COI to be applied herein. Please advise.

Thank you.
Siouxsie
Siouxsie'sMusings

6:37am PST

Dear Souisxie,

We have received your request to invoke the "Cloak of Invisibility" on your blog. Although we do not advise this, as it will make your posts unavailable to all readers except your mother, we are here to serve.

Sincerely,
Customer (dis)Service
Blogger

6:38am GST

Dear Blogger Customer Service,

No, No, No, No! I do not WANT the COI to be applied to my blog. Please reverse this immediately. My readership is small and faithful, and will be discouraged if they cannot read whatever Siouxsie is Miouxsing about.

Thank you in advance.
Siouxsie
Siouxsie's Musings

7:45am CST

Dear Mouiouoxsie,

In order to reverse your request to invoke the Cloak of Invisibility on your account, which we do NOT advise invoking, as it significantly reduces your already tiny readership, please forward by certified mail, three notarized affidavits by readers who are willing to vouch for your actual humanity. We have had a great deal of trouble with "bots" writing blogs, and our computer programs have detected a high level of material on your blog that could have been written by a "bot." We await your response, Mr. Muoiuosie.

Sincerely,
Customer (dis)Service
Blogger

7:45:10am Turkish Time

Hey,

I didn't ask for this Cloak of Invisibility thing in the first place, and I'll be derned if I'm going to fabricate three letters from my readers, although as many times as I check to see if anyone has visited my blog, I could certainly qualify for that. Take it off. NOW.

Git it done, eh.
Siouxsie
Siouxsie's Musings

9:39pm MST

Dear Sir or Madam,

Please check your computer to see if it has been taken over by "bots." We have been receiving communication from this ISP address which indicates that you want to have the Cloak of Invisibility invoked on your blog. We simply do not recommend this. Please see our FAK page at wwww.FAX.hun.org.com. The Cloak of Invisibility will significantly cut down your readership. What do you NOT understand here?

Sincerely,
Always at your service,
Blogger

9:40am Aussie Time

Yeah, ok. Please invoke the Cloak of Invisibility. I will continue to write, but now I will be sure that no one is getting to see it. That will reduce the sharp disappointment I feel every time I write a post and receive no comments whatsoever. I know yesterday was the 4th of July, and people were out running 5k races, marching in parades, setting off fireworks, and generally celebrating with their good friends and families, but wouldn't at least one of them have had time to check Facebook and click on my link? I'm so confused.

Sadly,
Siouxsie
Siouxsie's Musings

9:45gm GMT Greenwich

Dear Siouxsie,

We have received your request to remove the Cloak of Invisibility and have done so. All you had to do was ask! As you know, we do not recommend the Cloak of Invisibility to our bloggers.

If you should ever want to reinstate the COI, simply email us and we will be glad to help. For now, keep on blogging and enjoy your day.

Mostly sincerely,
Blogger Customer Service Extraordinaire.


3 comments:

lottienevin.com said...

Oh NO! The COI is the curse we all fear! This made me laugh Siouxsie! Thank goodness the veil was lifted and we can see you again :)

lottienevin.com said...

Oh NO! The COI is the curse we all fear! This made me laugh Siouxsie! Thank goodness the veil was lifted and we can see you again :)

iheartsuburbia said...

So weird... I wondered why it always seemed like noone was reading my own blog! Mystery solved, thanks to you! :). In all seriousness, I ALEAYS read your posts... And enjoy them!