|created by Kepler, February 2015|
I let three lovely someones know that I was in pain, struggling, and in need. All three immediately responded. Throughout the day, I was blessed by my angels putting Kepler on the bus, rubbing my feet, making me smoothies, soothing me with a warm cloth, picking up the slack for all the driving I was supposed to do, washing my damn dishes, getting Kepler off the bus, and speaking words of support and love.
Even writing that paragraph is difficult if I focus on the fact that I was in such a low position, one where I could do little more than receive.
On the other hand, I love it when I have the opportunity to do something for someone who truly needs me. I know the women I reached out to; they all have giving hearts, and I believe they treasured the opportunity to give.
So, I accept it. When the critical voice scrapes across my consciousness, I remind myself that I believe in interdependence; that we all need a little help from our friends and family; that the presence of need means I am human, not defective.
With the space provided by my mom and sisters, I could finally think about turning down the intensity and volume of my everyday existence. Remember I mentioned being overwhelmed. I noticed that every nook of my bedside table was full to overflowing. Before bed, I decided to calm that space down. The drawer is slightly larger than an iPad box. It's pretty tiny. Here's what I pulled out of the drawer: mail, 3 pocket knives, a shot glass, jewelry, nail clipper, lip balm, unopened medicine spoon, earbuds, 27 vials of prescription eye drops that i do not use, replacement earbud pads, lightbulbs, trash, glasses cleaning cloth, a key, ink pens, wristwatch, lifesavers, a 2 oz bottle, mouthguard, a little black mysterious thing, and a scrunchy. That is a ridiculous amount of stuff to have jammed into that tiny drawer.
Now that I've solidified my reputation as a packrat extraordinaire, let's just focus on the fact that the sheer volume of what I had stuffed in that drawer is kind of a perfect little picture of what I've been doing with all my "too much." Stuffing it here and there. And there. Here's more. And under there.
Everyone needs the space to clear their space, and I'm sure that means different things for different people. This illness has been a time for me to slow down long enough to notice the pot I'm boiling in.
For someone with as strong a Meyer's Briggs "J" as I have, I LOVE the journey. I love the opportunities that arise to learn. I love sharing my journey with others.
What are your tried and true methods for clearing YOUR space?