We Interrupt This Program to Bring You This Fearful Interlude

Well, dag diggity dog. Thrice I started a post and thrice I have now lost it.

While writing the lost post for the third time, a question burrowed its way into my brain.

Is my blog just self-indulgence?

I looked around. Who's asking that question and why?

Self indulgence :excessive or unrestrained gratification of one's own appetites, desires, or whims

Perhaps this is the resistance of which Steven Pressfield speaks in "The War of Art." Perhaps this is an old thought pattern which arises when "someone" thinks I'm trying to be a tall poppy.

Thing is, I do blog for my own enjoyment, in addition to creating content that I hope will inspire, amuse, resonate with my readers. Doesn't every writer write at least in part for him- or herself?

And if I can't be unrestrained here on my own damn blog, then perhaps blogging is more of a performance and less of a creation.

Am I performing? My heart says no. I am sharing myself through this blog. Most people aren't going to be interested, but that's ok. Continuing to persevere, refine, practice, ship, is making a difference in my life.

I think what might be going on is that so far this has all been really, really easy. And the time might be coming when Life will ask me to actually do something uncomfortable either by blogging even more authentically, or stepping into another form of sharing and expression. Maybe Life will ask me to do something that could potentially impact individuals, one at a time. All I can think about is the two spectacular failures I have had when I tried to step into personal training and life coaching.

Dang it.

I'm reading "What to Do When It's Your Turn" right now, so I pulled it out while writing this. I'm trusting:

"Not everything has to be okay. 

Perhaps it might be better for everything to be moving. 

Moving forward, with generosity. 

Moving forward, with a willingness to live with the tension. 

Moving forward, learning as you go.

The person who fails the most, wins." 

(What to Do When It's Your Turn, Seth Godin, p 23)

image from geneenroth.com

Just saw this and had to add it.

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